How to Use Toys During Sex: A Comprehensive Guide to Spicing Up Your Intimacy

Sex toys have come a long way from being taboo topics to becoming essential tools for enhancing sexual pleasure and intimacy. Whether you’re looking to spice things up in the bedroom, explore your fantasies, or just add variety to your sex life, incorporating toys into sex can open up a whole new world of satisfaction and discovery.

In this guide, we’ll explore how to use toys during sex, how to communicate with your partner, safety tips, and product suggestions. Our goal is to help you feel confident, curious, and in control when adding toys to your intimate experiences.

Why Use Sex Toys During Intimacy?

Sex toys are more than just novelty items—they’re tools that can help improve your sexual experiences in several ways:

• Enhanced pleasure: Toys can stimulate erogenous zones in ways hands or mouths can’t.
• Improved communication: Trying something new requires open conversations, which often brings couples closer.
• Better orgasms: Many people, especially those with vulvas, find it easier to orgasm with the help of toys.
• Increased variety: Toys introduce new sensations, preventing sexual monotony.
• Support for medical or physical issues: Toys can help individuals with low libido, erectile dysfunction, or limited mobility.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Using Toys

Introducing toys to your sex life starts with a conversation. Here’s how to approach it without embarrassment or tension:

1. Please choose the right moment: Avoid bringing it up mid-sex. Choose a relaxed, private setting.
2. Use “I” statements: Say things like, “I think it could be fun to try a toy together,“ instead of, “You don’t satisfy me.”
3. Do your research: Come with ideas, links, or product suggestions.
4. Be open to feedback: Your partner might be nervous or unsure—give them space to respond honestly.
5. Make it about shared pleasure: Emphasise how it can bring you closer, not replace anyone.

Different Types of Sex Toys and How to Use Them

1. Vibrators

Best For: External or internal stimulation (clitoris, penis, nipples, or G-spot)

How to Use:

• During penetrative sex, place a small bullet vibrator against the clitoris.
• Try a wand-style vibrator on erogenous zones during foreplay.
• Use a G-spot vibrator with curved tips for internal stimulation.
• Partners can hold a toy while kissing or using their hands.

Pro Tip: Vibrators don’t have to be loud. Look for quiet, rechargeable models for a discreet experience.

2. Dildos

Best For: Vaginal or anal penetration

How to Use:

• Use solo or with a partner as a warm-up.
• Let your partner use the dildo on you while they kiss or stimulate other areas.
• Try temperature play by warming or cooling the dildo (safe materials only).

Safety Note: If you’re sharing dildos between partners or switching from anal to vaginal use, use condoms or clean between uses to avoid infection.

3. Cock Rings

Best For: Maintaining erections and enhancing sensations

How to Use:

• Slide the ring to the base of the penis (some can go around the testicles too).
• Vibrating versions stimulate the clitoris or perineum during penetration.
• Please don’t wear it for more than 30 minutes to avoid circulation issues.

Pro Tip: Use lube to make putting it on easier and more comfortable.

4. Butt Plugs and Anal Toys

Best For: Anal stimulation, prostate play

How to Use:

• Start small and go slow. Always use lots of lube.
• Never use a toy without a flared base—it can get lost.
• Try a plug during sex to stimulate additional nerve endings.

Important: Anal play requires patience, consent, and plenty of communication—clean toys before and after use.

5. Couples’ Toys

Best For: Enhancing shared pleasure

Popular Options:

• Wearable vibrators: Designed to be worn during penetration.
• Remote-controlled toys: Great for public teasing or long-distance play.
• Double-ended dildos: Let both partners experience penetration at once.

Why They Work: They keep both partners actively engaged, creating a shared experience.

Tips for Using Toys During Sex

1. Start Slow

Don’t dive into the deep end with advanced gear. Start with something simple like a bullet vibrator or textured sleeve. Build comfort and excitement over time.

2. Use Plenty of Lubrication

Lube reduces friction and makes toy use smoother and more pleasurable. Water-based lube works with most toys, while silicone-based lube is longer-lasting (but not always safe with silicone toys).

3. Explore Together

Make it an adventure! Try different positions, let each partner take turns using the toy, or add it into your routine. Variety keeps things exciting.

4. Watch and Learn

If you’re unsure how a toy works, look up a review or tutorial. Many educators and sex-positive influencers provide honest, safe advice and demonstrations.

5. Be Open to Laughter

Trying something new can feel awkward, and that’s okay. Laughing together strengthens your bond and makes the experience more enjoyable.

Sex Toy Safety: What You Must Know

1. Material Matters: Choose body-safe, non-porous materials like silicone, glass, stainless steel, or ABS plastic.
2. Cleanliness is Key: Wash toys before and after each use with warm water and mild soap or a dedicated toy cleaner.
3. Use One Toy Per Hole: Don’t switch toys between anal and vaginal use without cleaning.
4. Check Batteries and Cords: Never use a damaged toy. You should inspect rechargeable toys regularly.
5. Storage: Keep toys in a cool, dry place. Use cloth bags or cases to prevent dust and bacteria buildup.

Toys for Solo Play vs. Partnered Sex

Some toys are best for solo exploration, while others are designed for couples. Here’s a quick breakdown:

That said, a couple can use any toy together if they’re creative and communicate openly.

Creating a Toy-Inclusive Sexual Routine

If you’re ready to make sex toys part of your regular intimacy, here are steps to integrate them seamlessly:

1. Set the mood: Dim lighting, music, and a clean space can help ease tension.
2. Please include it in foreplay: Toys can build arousal long before intercourse.
3. Incorporate it naturally: Use toys as extensions of your hands or mouths, not replacements.
4. Aftercare matters: Check in emotionally and physically after trying something new.

Top Mistakes to Avoid

• Assuming one-size-fits-all: Everybody is different. One toy might be excellent for someone and “meh“ for another.
• Skipping communication: Surprising a partner mid-sex with a toy may backfire if they aren’t on board.
• Neglecting hygiene: Dirty toys = risk of infection.
• Using unsafe materials: Always choose reputable brands with body-safe labelling.
• Pushing too hard too fast: Start small, slow, and build up.

Final Thoughts: Confidence Is Sexy

Using toys during sex doesn’t mean something is “missing“ from your relationship. On the contrary, it shows you care about pleasure, connection, and exploration. Whether you’re flying solo or enjoying intimacy with a partner, sex toys can enrich your experience, improve satisfaction, and build stronger emotional and physical bonds.

So go ahead—explore, experiment, and enjoy. Your body (and your partner) will thank you.